When I was younger, I wanted to be a fireman. I really don't know why. Maybe it was my fascination with their cool, red fire engines. Or maybe it's because I'm a ginger, and I knew I would need a lot of water to protect me from the harmful rays of the sun. Whatever my reasoning was at that age, I never became a fireman. I never became a wildly successful, touring musician either. Because something funny happened on the way to adult-hood, and all my dreams just sort of fizzled out and died.
I know, this sounds eerily familiar to a lot of you, my dear audience. It's a common enough story, even if the dreams aren't quite the same. You see, when we were younger, nobody bothered to tell us just how hard being an adult is. Nobody mentioned debt, and worry, and constant struggle on Sesame Street. Or the awful jobs many of us would have to take just to make ends meet. Because of this, I think many of us were ill prepared for adult-hood. I know I was. I jumped right out of childhood, and into marriage. And that was a bad decision, in many ways. But I suppose that part is better saved for another day.
Now as I get older, and I start looking back on my life, it's funny to think about how little I have done. How little I accomplished. I wanted to do so much more with my life. I wanted to travel, and see the world. I wanted to marry the woman of my dreams. I wanted to be someone that I could be proud of. Instead, I sort of just exist, most of the time. At least, until recently. Now that I'm happier, that doesn't mean that things are necessarily any easier though. It just means that I'm happier while struggling through the day to day existence that I have for so very long. And I do them with a new sense of purpose.
We all make choices in this life. For some of us, we can choose to work harder, and spend our lives clocking in and out at a meaningless job, barely seeing those that we say we love the most. We can say to ourselves that we did it all for our family, but at the end of the day, I'm not sure that money should ever be the focal point in a person's life. Oh sure, money is important in this day and age, and work is a very important part of life, but should it ever be everything? Should you concern yourself more with your workaholic life, and less about what kind of people your children are growing up to be? To me, that life is meaningless. That life is worthless. And it definitely doesn't make you a better person. Just... a different person.
It doesn't matter what your job is in life, be it the one that you dreamed of when you were younger, or the one that you sort of just got stuck with as you had no other options, in the end, a job is just a job. It should never be your life. You can live your life in a work induced haze, but when you do that, it's really just passing you by. And at the end, when I look back, I'd rather see that, even though I did spend a fair amount of time struggling through my job, so much of it was spent doing the things I wanted to do, with the people I love.
The measure of a person should have never become about how much money they could make. It should never have become about how many possessions they have acquired. It should be about the moments that they shared in happiness, with another. It should be about the smiles on their faces, and those around them. About the laughter, and the joy. It should have always been about just living their lives, as happy as they can live it, knowing that others around them are happy in their company.
My life has been a bit of an uphill battle. I have many demons inside, and a lot of skeletons in my closet. I have lived with depression, and sadness, and a lot of loneliness. But through it all I have been able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I have done my best. That my kids have had a childhood that they can look back on with fondness. Because even though I have worked a lot, I have always made time to see them, every day of their lives. I have always made the effort to spend time with them. There have been times it has been hard, but at the end of the day, no job, no dollar is worth more than their childhood.
Mistakes have been made in my life. Many of them. I have done things that I am not proud of. But I've learned recently that all of those mistakes have led me to the path that I am on. And that path seems like a pretty good one. It's a path that I look forward traveling down, hand in hand with someone I truly love more than anything in the world.
As for work... I may not have the greatest job in the world, but it puts food on the table, and a roof over our heads. I may not be a fireman, or a hugely successful musician (though, I am in an independent band that has released many albums, so that has been a dream come true), but I am a good dad. And despite my past, I think that I am a good person. And I will be a good provider for my growing family.
Okay, I guess parts of this may have been a bit random rambling, but I guess you should have known that before coming to this blog in the first place. My thoughts have a way of getting all jumbled up, and running away from me. But I guess what I really wanted to say is that life is what you make of it. I could have given up long ago. I could have laid down and died. Many times I really wanted to. But I've always just looked towards tomorrow, hoping that it would be better than today. And sometimes this was not the case. Okay, many times this was not the case. But I'm still here. And I'm still looking towards that best day of my life. And it may, or many not come in April of 2021, but it will come. That day that I am most looking forward to. Until then, I'm going to keep doing my best to take care of those that I love, to the best of my ability. And hopefully when I die, someone out there will be able to say that they miss me, and that I left a decent mark behind.
Until next time, my friends... good-night.
((I took this picture at the park today. I really like it for some reason. I just thought I'd share it here.))
I know, this sounds eerily familiar to a lot of you, my dear audience. It's a common enough story, even if the dreams aren't quite the same. You see, when we were younger, nobody bothered to tell us just how hard being an adult is. Nobody mentioned debt, and worry, and constant struggle on Sesame Street. Or the awful jobs many of us would have to take just to make ends meet. Because of this, I think many of us were ill prepared for adult-hood. I know I was. I jumped right out of childhood, and into marriage. And that was a bad decision, in many ways. But I suppose that part is better saved for another day.
Now as I get older, and I start looking back on my life, it's funny to think about how little I have done. How little I accomplished. I wanted to do so much more with my life. I wanted to travel, and see the world. I wanted to marry the woman of my dreams. I wanted to be someone that I could be proud of. Instead, I sort of just exist, most of the time. At least, until recently. Now that I'm happier, that doesn't mean that things are necessarily any easier though. It just means that I'm happier while struggling through the day to day existence that I have for so very long. And I do them with a new sense of purpose.
We all make choices in this life. For some of us, we can choose to work harder, and spend our lives clocking in and out at a meaningless job, barely seeing those that we say we love the most. We can say to ourselves that we did it all for our family, but at the end of the day, I'm not sure that money should ever be the focal point in a person's life. Oh sure, money is important in this day and age, and work is a very important part of life, but should it ever be everything? Should you concern yourself more with your workaholic life, and less about what kind of people your children are growing up to be? To me, that life is meaningless. That life is worthless. And it definitely doesn't make you a better person. Just... a different person.
It doesn't matter what your job is in life, be it the one that you dreamed of when you were younger, or the one that you sort of just got stuck with as you had no other options, in the end, a job is just a job. It should never be your life. You can live your life in a work induced haze, but when you do that, it's really just passing you by. And at the end, when I look back, I'd rather see that, even though I did spend a fair amount of time struggling through my job, so much of it was spent doing the things I wanted to do, with the people I love.
The measure of a person should have never become about how much money they could make. It should never have become about how many possessions they have acquired. It should be about the moments that they shared in happiness, with another. It should be about the smiles on their faces, and those around them. About the laughter, and the joy. It should have always been about just living their lives, as happy as they can live it, knowing that others around them are happy in their company.
My life has been a bit of an uphill battle. I have many demons inside, and a lot of skeletons in my closet. I have lived with depression, and sadness, and a lot of loneliness. But through it all I have been able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I have done my best. That my kids have had a childhood that they can look back on with fondness. Because even though I have worked a lot, I have always made time to see them, every day of their lives. I have always made the effort to spend time with them. There have been times it has been hard, but at the end of the day, no job, no dollar is worth more than their childhood.
Mistakes have been made in my life. Many of them. I have done things that I am not proud of. But I've learned recently that all of those mistakes have led me to the path that I am on. And that path seems like a pretty good one. It's a path that I look forward traveling down, hand in hand with someone I truly love more than anything in the world.
As for work... I may not have the greatest job in the world, but it puts food on the table, and a roof over our heads. I may not be a fireman, or a hugely successful musician (though, I am in an independent band that has released many albums, so that has been a dream come true), but I am a good dad. And despite my past, I think that I am a good person. And I will be a good provider for my growing family.
Okay, I guess parts of this may have been a bit random rambling, but I guess you should have known that before coming to this blog in the first place. My thoughts have a way of getting all jumbled up, and running away from me. But I guess what I really wanted to say is that life is what you make of it. I could have given up long ago. I could have laid down and died. Many times I really wanted to. But I've always just looked towards tomorrow, hoping that it would be better than today. And sometimes this was not the case. Okay, many times this was not the case. But I'm still here. And I'm still looking towards that best day of my life. And it may, or many not come in April of 2021, but it will come. That day that I am most looking forward to. Until then, I'm going to keep doing my best to take care of those that I love, to the best of my ability. And hopefully when I die, someone out there will be able to say that they miss me, and that I left a decent mark behind.
Until next time, my friends... good-night.
((I took this picture at the park today. I really like it for some reason. I just thought I'd share it here.))
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