Hello everyone. How are you all doing out there? Did you miss me? I know that I missed you. I sometimes lie awake at night, thinking about all that I would like to say to you. It gets so that I can hardly sleep. The truth is, you are all such an important part of my life. All of you millions of adoring readers. And do you want to know something? I'm pretty sure that I'm an important part of your lives as well. And that, my friends, is really quite beautiful. And so once again, I will write some words to you. I can't promise that you will take anything away from this entry, but I will. Maybe just an ache in my wrists, as my fingers fly across the keyboard as expertly as a mouse will find a piece of cheese, but even that is better than nothing at all. Am I right? Of course I am right. I always am.
So, you may be asking yourselves what I'm going to talk about this time. Well, to be honest, as I type this, I have no idea myself. I really have no clear topic in mind. And this is where the real rambling begins. I'm sure I will get moments of brilliance, and come up with subjects to talk about. Because I really am quite brilliant. At least, that's what the voices in my head tell me. And I've learned to never argue with them. They can get a bit... pun
chy, at times. So I'm just going to keep on typing, until a coherent thoughts occurs to me. And then... I'm going to run with it. I'm going to run with it like that cute little squirrely guy from the Ice Age movies would run with his nut. He's such a cute little guy.
Stress:
Okay, there's a topic. And it just sort of came to me. I told you, that's how this entry is going to work. I'm going to come up with a topic, and go. So anyway, stress. I've had a lot of it these past few months. Most of the time I don't even know that I am stressed, until it starts to creep up on me. It really is quite unsettling. I think I'm doing well one moment, and then suddenly it's like the weight of the world comes crashing down upon me. And in a way, I guess I do carry the weight of the world around with me, in the form of my kids. They depend on me for everything. As well they should! I am their father, after-all. They need me. At times it seems like I am all that they have.
Their mother really hasn't made all that much of an effort. So I need to be the one to show them that the world is a scary, yet beautiful place. I need to provide for them. To show them that someone cares. Thankfully, my amazing girlfriend has been a rock for me, and a positive influence for them. Without her, this stress thing would probably reach a breaking point, and I would curl up into a Rob ball, and take many naps.
I can see the future being really amazing. I see great things ahead for myself, my kids, and my girlfriend, and her kids. Unfortunately, it seems like the future is taking it's sweet time to get here sometimes. I think that we're both in such a hurry to begin moving on, that it just feels like everything is moving very slowly. On the positive side though, I think some day we will look back on this time in our lives, and realize just how strong we both are. Still... the future really could speed things up just a little bit. Okay, so big changes are coming next month, so I guess it isn't that far away, but still... just a slight time jump would be great. Get us to the next phase of our lives, and then slow back down to normal again. Is that really so much to ask? I think not, dear readers... I think not.
Change:
If you had told me even a year ago, about all of the changes that are going on in my life right now, I'm not entirely sure that I would have believed you. There are so many changes going on, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything. From the smallest changes (like cutting popcorn out of my diet), to the biggest changes (falling in love with a woman whom I care more about than I ever even thought possible), change is an important part of life.
Sometimes I wonder how much I have changed. And what has happened in my life to make me the person that I am today. I wonder if the person I am is someone that I can be proud of. Have I changed so much that I am a completely different person than I was, even two years ago? I guess the short answer is, "Yes, I have definitely become a different person." But I've also realized that I am okay with that. Especially when I think about what my life would be like, a few years from now, if I continued to remain in the same place. I would get sadder, more depressed, and who knows how bad that could get.
I'm going to quote a Rush song here (I know... I can hear your groans already, but stick with me, because it is a great line!): "... changes aren't permanent, but change is." Seems legit. I've always liked that line. Even though things may change in your life, those changes won't necessarily remain, but there will always be new experiences, as we shuffle around this crazy, water filled globe, time and time again. This time, I know the changes are for the better. I can see my future in her eyes, and it's a future that, for once, I am looking forward to.
Violence:
Here's a subject that is just a lovely little blemish on the face of the entire history of mankind: solving problems with anger, or violence. Speaking from my own personal experiences, this is something that my (soon to be) ex-wife was very good at. Even the simplest annoyances would set her off. Now, I'm not going to go into any specifics here, but it really did seem like a very toxic behavior to build a life around. She seemed to thrive on confrontation at times. I used to joke that her conversational tone was yelling. But the more I think about it, the less that seems like a joke.
I don't understand why any adult would rather solve their problems with anger, or physical violence. I've always been the kind of person that would rather talk a problem out, than start swinging his fists, or screaming at a perfect stranger. I guess I'm rambling on this subject because there seems to be a lot of anger.
Fate / Chance:
On the subject of fate, I've always wondered just what it had in store for me. I mean, if you believe in fate (which I certainly have no reason to not), then you must also believe that our entire lives have already been mapped out. You must believe that there is a "higher being" who knows all, and sees all. And no, I'm not talking about Santa Claus in this (or Tim Allen! Did you all like that movie? I liked the first one. It was a delightful little holiday romper, and a classic).
I ask myself these days, when I met the love of my life, was that fate, or was that chance? Were we destined to meet, and fall in love, or was it complete chance? A roll of the dice. A drawing of cards. A pouring of a glass of warm water (just go with that last one, I don't know what it is either). I like to think that fate put her in my path. That we were always meant to be together. That makes me happy. But I also like to think that part of it was left to chance, and we found each other because we needed each other. Either way, I'm glad we found each other. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, and that is an amazing feeling.
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Okay, so I know this isn't an overly long post, and you probably didn't learn even half as much as I would have liked you to learn. But you know something? I think that that is okay. I think that even though we didn't spend as much time together as I may have liked, we definitely grew closer. And that, my friends, is a very beautiful thing.
Until next time, this is Rambling Rob, reminding you to drink your Ovaltine, change your underwear at least three times a month, and never stop believing. Never. Not for even one second. Never, that is, unless you want Steve Perry all up in your grill, singing in his heavenly voice about it.
Toodles!
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